As I sit here on a Saturday evening, watching the Encore special premier of "Under Seige 2: Dark Territory", I have become reminded of one of the most brilliant ideas my sporadically genius mind has ever entertained. I have prepared the ingredients to concoct the most sensational badass movie of all time.
1 part Chuck Norris (good start)
1 part Steven Seagal
Mix together for 1 Lifetime of never-ending action-packed thrill.
I think my work as a writer has finally panned out. I want it to be universally known, that if somebody other than myself produces or says they created this very scenario, or any derivation thereof, will face the most drastic of charges including, but not limited to:
-wet willies
-involuntary pubic eradication
-unnecessary doses of laxatives
-repetitive urinating on your car door handle
-a prank phone call by the last girl you slept with telling you she is prego. If you are a woman and last slept with a man, he will alert you to the newest string of Herpes he has contracted and, likely, passed along to you
So, I think it best to credit me for this amazing idea if anybody does by chance happen to run with it before I get the opportunity.
Also, on a lighter note, Katherine Heigl is in this movie, and is between 17 and 18 years old at the time of its release. Even then, she was hot. Now, of course, she is amazingly attractive, and it is only a matter of time before I attempt to confess my love for her, which I'm sure will not go unanswered by her assuredly large bodyguards that will most likely break many of my bones. After repeat encounters, numerous letters and emails later I'm sure my persistence will get the best of her and we will make very pretty babies. Very pretty.
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