Almighty Valentine's Day

It hath fallen upon us once more. Perhaps the most controversial of holidays in these states united. Valentine's Day is like a political controversy; there are those for it and those that oppose. The reasons on each side are similar but vary with minor differences.

The antagonists assert that the holiday is overly commercialized and without true meaning; they don't like to abide by the social expectations made popular by the abundance of greeting cards, designer chocolates, flower vendors, and the most hated, diamond jewelers.

The Protagonists are flattered when asked to be part of this ritualistic evening. They expect flowers, cute cards and most likely a romantic dinner. Most of these people are (in my experience and blatant observation) are females. Granted, not every woman feels this way about V-Day, but let's be real, a lot more women prefer the day than men do. Why?

Well, women love to feel loved, to feel beautiful. And as they rightfully should. Men, though generally disagreeing with the reasons for such a holiday realize a different side of the equation. If all conditions previously set forth have been followed and executed with great care and concern, then the man can relax. Because nothing short of him being arrested on several charges of murder can stop him from "gettin' his".

That's right. Men play along with this game to capture the poon, quench their sexual thirst and satisfy every primal hunger. I think women know this going into the evening, which is why the care and concern is so important. So ladies and gentlemen, please play your parts responsibly.

But let us take into account those of us who have no set Valentine date. What do we do? We are usually the most bitter, holiday-hating, whiskey-chugging group out there. Loneliness is a terrible thing. Which is why I consider myself a genius. A very sexy genius. I am going to the bar. Yup. Alone. Because all of the girls who don't have somebody to make them feel beautiful will [theoretically] be there. Why? Because being drunk and alone is way better when everybody else you know is with somebody. Plus, they'll be drunk. Who's to say what comes of that? And if by chance this chauvinistic idea fails me, i will be home, alone, and probably be doing the only thing you really can do when you are alone and horny...but let's hope that doesn't happen.