WTF?

I'm not completely sure, but I think I had an epiphany today. I felt a whirling of thoughts; all logic and reason was cast aside, and I saw a truth. That truth: I am a pussy.

I never have a hard time approaching and talking to a girl. Normally I initiate conversation, then things follow in natural order. Albeit, at this point in time, I can't progress. In the past few months I have been going to a coffee shop close to my house more and more regularly. It is often hard to find any solitude at my house, so I go there in seek of peace and withdrawing. Instead, my cognitive faculties are normally rendered useless by a rather attractive young dame who just so happens to be a barista (if I'm allowed use of that term). Talking to her isn't the problem. We make small talk, sure. But small plays a crucial role in the transition between when you meet somebody and when you sleep with them. Trying to decide if it is wise to pursue this girl is the problem. I don't know if she has a boyfriend, and that weirds me out. I don't remember ever caring if a girl was involved or not - and yes, there have been times when I knew, but just didn't care. This girl, though, perplexes me. Plus, this is my favorite coffee shop. Would the silent whispers and downcast glances of failed nothings be too much to endure on my afternoon strive for freedom? I think I am thinking too much. But I continue.

My approach to girls in the past has stemmed from the basic thought that I probably won't end up dating this girl regularly because either: a)We hook up and I never talk to her again or, b)I want to see her again, because I truly find her physically attractive and mentally stimulating, but get too excited and freak her out by moving too fast. With her, in all the small-talk (and surprisingly intelligent) conversations we have had, I theoretically feel like I could enjoy spending time with her (though, as we know, theory and practice all-too-often collide).

Anyhow, I can't seem to throw my self-respect right out the window like usual and just make the move. I feel like a 14 year-old virgin, and not in the good way... Is retaining and exercising a system of moral values learned as a child part of maturity? Because, if so, I don't want to grow up / I'm a Toys 'R Us kid / There's a million things at Toys 'R Us that I can play with...