Another Red Robin Experience

So, for those of you who read my My Encounter With Defeat post, here's a little bonus side story.

As previously written, my server was a bombastic juvenile female who reeked of unrequited excitement and yelped her nearly-unintelligible sentences in bouts of unwarranted enthusiasm. Her name was, and probably still is, Kayla.

What I didn't before mention, was that I was with my family, who in their own right, could make Saint Peter himself spew a rambling of profanities with our large gatherings and loud conversations. My family, though, has also mastered the craft of people-watching. Thus, I have been ripened with a language of observation that cannot be taught beyond the experiences of family outings. So in the midst of panic attacks and shenanigans on the wall and Mexican elephants sitting on my chest, I found a solitude, if only for a number of minutes.

At the local Red Robin, there is a server who's name is Eduardo. Eduardo has a crush on my aunt. Aunt Heather's daughter, my cousin, works at Red Robin, so she frequents it a good amount. Anyhoodle, when we are all out as a family (some 15 members or so) Eduardo also seems to be out. He's that creepy guy from which you can never escape. Eduardo tries to be smooth. He is tall, maybe 6'2", looks to be of Mexican descent, and has shiny black hair that is slicked back. Eduardo looks like a giant penis.

So sitting there, I see Eduardo. And he sees me. We give each other that glare that they used to do in western movies when they are about to draw, with the little doo-DO-doooo music in the background, maybe some tumbleweed rolling off into the distance. Then he spots Aunt Heather. He throws the plates down on the table in front of him like a dealer tossing the next losing hand. He approaches:

-Penis: (to my aunt) Heather, you look maaaaagnificent this evening.
-AH: Oh, (pulling her arm away) thank you.
-Penis: (now to our table) Hello everybody! I, am Eduarrrdo (note the tongue roll). And this, this is a lovely lady (completely ignoring the other women at the table).
-Me: Eduardo, is that toilet paper on your shoe?
Penis: (gasps and looks down) Ah, ha. Mr. Joshua. You have stung me again with your wit.
-Me: Just like I'm gonna sting your wife over and over and over again. (Note: I didn't really say that last line because, well, that would just be mean. I don't know his wife. Maybe she's hot, maybe she's not. If she is hot, then maybe I will say it because i might really want to sting her over and over and over again. Here's to enjoying the unknown.)

And that, friends, concludes my conversation with Eduardo, the walking penis.