Today in the news:

There is a lot of stupidity out there. I mean a lot. So, to bring a sense of normalcy to my daily screw-ups, I'm making fun of others. This will be a new little bit called, just like the title suggests, "Today in the news:"

1. Man nabbed after hitting girlfriend with sandwich

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. – A man faces a domestic battery charge after allegedly hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich as she was driving on Interstate 95 on Friday. Police said the 19-year-old man became angry and hit the woman in the arm and face with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off.

The victim nearly lost control of the car because she couldn't see the road and the man then allegedly ripped off the rear-view mirror and used it to shatter the windshield.

The man was freed on $7,500 bail.

Police haven't said what type of sandwich was involved.
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I bet it was salami. You can't stop a man and his salami.
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2. Resort plans nude "anything goes" party

CANBERRA (Reuters) – An Australian holiday resort will hold a month-long, nude "anything goes" party to combat an expected economic downturn, media reports said on Thursday.

"Tough economic times call for stiff measures," Tony Fox, the owner of the White Cockatoo resort in Mossman, in tropical Queensland state, told the Courier-Mail newspaper.

"It will be a hedonism resort, where anything goes for a month. It doesn't take rocket science to work out what it means," Fox said, naming March as the risque party month.

The controversial "clothes optional" resort made headlines three years ago when police were called to end partner-swapping parties after a swathe of public complaints.

"You've got to wonder what sort of people go and why. Where is the moral code of behavior and how do you stop jealousies and fights?" Cairns Catholic Bishop James Foley said after Fox's announcement.

But local regional Mayor Val Schier said she was not opposed to the event as long as no laws were broken.

"People in tropical north Queensland are extraordinarily creative," Schier said. "It is tough economic times and as long as it is with consenting adults, then there is no problem."

Australia's tourism in industry is being hit hard by global economic turmoil with official figures showing a 7.6 percent decline in overseas visitors in September.

Industry leaders expect holiday bookings may drop by up to a third in early 2009 and are planning a new international advertising campaign to coincide with the movie "Australia" starring Oscar-winning actress Nicole Kidman.

Fox said his resort was almost fully booked for the month-long rainforest party.
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Not sure if I even have to say anything here. But I will. I wish I had enough money to fly to Australia. Now accepting donations and/or applications for FEMALE party company.
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3. Wis. woman pleads no contest in corpse case
She was accused of keeping 90-year-old's body in Social Security scheme

MAUSTON, Wis. - A member of a religious sect pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor after being accused of leaving another member's corpse in her bathroom so the group could collect her Social Security checks.

Tammy Lewis entered the plea Monday and was fined $350.

Prosecutors accuse the 36-year-old Lewis and 58-year-old Alan Bushey of leaving 90-year-old Magdeline Middlesworth's body on the toilet in Lewis' home after she died there in March.

A criminal complaint says Bushey led the Order of the Divine Will sect and told Lewis that God would revive Middlesworth. The decaying body was found in May after Middlesworth's family expressed concern.

Prosecutors say they believe Bushey and Lewis wanted to go on collecting Middlesworth's Social Security payments.
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Keep grandma on a leash!
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4. Joaquin Phoenix quits acting to focus on music


The upcoming ‘Two Lovers’ will be his last performance on film
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I don't even need to post the rest of the story. Who gives a flying rat's ass?
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