Plot-generated Story #1

I don't know how many of you have heard, but there are web-based tools that algorithmically generate plot scenarios. It is a little boost for an idea when you can't seem to create something on your own. And no, it's not cheating. After all, you are just given a few details and you go from there. I have decided to come up with a short story each week - in addition to my decreasingly-regular rants and musings - and I hope you enjoy.

My plots will be generated from Archetype.com and consist of only two parts - the protagonist's situation and a secondary character. For example, my first plot will be:

The story starts when your protagonist tries to return a lost object.

Another character is an office manager who has a gift for poetry.

So here it goes. This is, Jeremiah, the Mighty.

It was a long time since Jeremiah was with a woman. And he blamed it on his depression. The more time that passed, the harder it was to go out and meet people and stay away from those adult-only websites. His login name, Jeremiah_the_Mighty. So that depression made it harder to go out and it was harder to go out because he was depressed.

The cycle began, and had been going for almost a year.

But it stopped a few weeks ago when Jeremiah was at work and, to seek a rush he hadn't felt in so long, entered a titty site. It opened and there were big, bouncy breasts everywhere. Jeremiah smiled. But somebody was coming! Oh no! So he closed it out just before Suzanne opened his door to ask where some files were.

That was close, he thought to himself. But his heart was still racing. He wanted more. He began to sweat, feeling in his pants a swelling come about. So he entered another site, and another and another. It was joy unspeakable!

But, he lost all perception of his environment and didn't hear Mr. Jacobs open the door. Mr. Jacobs tapped him on the shoulder and Jeremiah turned, sweat dripping down his cheeks, surprise in his eyes and a big, unnecessary boner.

It was then Jeremiah was fired. His job was the only thing he had to keep him sane. And he had lost it. But Jeremiah the Mighty wouldn't leave without something to remember it by. When the rest of the office went to lunch Jeremiah cleaned out his desk. And he took the bottle of Scotch from Mr. Jacobs' desk, a stapler from Suzanne, a pack of cigarettes from Gordon and a bottle of perfume from Diana. He went home, turned on his computer, entered a no-no site and masturbated until he cried. Then he sprayed Diana's perfume, smoked Gordon's cigarette and took a glass of Mr. Jacobs' scotch. There was nothing he could use the stapler for. In fact, he wondered why he had taken it.

By noon the following day he had finished the cigarettes and scotch. In a drunken stupor he had dropped the perfume and the bottle shattered in the kitchen, and his entire apartment now reeked of Diana. Mustering up energy and dignity, he decided to return the taken goods. Upon arriving at the office he was greeted by a new face, the face of his old job. The man held out his hand.

-Russel's the name, managing's the game. It isn't quite so obvious why you walked into my office, but everyone here's told me that you are quite a shame.
-Why are you rhyming?
-Why do you smell of scotch, and not sweet mint? I'll remove you and discard you just like some dryer lint.
-That doesn't make much sense. Is Mr. Jacobs here?
-I only speak in rhyme, one sentence at a time, I know you want to see him, but he doesn't have the time.

Jeremiah punched the office manager in the nose and he fell down. Even in fear and pain, the man still rhymed.

-By George, by George, methinks he punched me in the face, my nose is bloody and I'm curled up in a ball of drab disgrace.

Now the office was surrounding him, and Mr. Jacobs stood in the front.

-I drank your whiskey, and smoked your cigarettes and dropped your bottle of perfume on the floor. As for the stapler, a cat was crying outside my window and I threw it down there. I think it hit a vagrant. Anyhow, you all know I have a problem. But I'm redirecting it. I'm starting a no-no website. So if any of you want, especially you, Suzanne, call me up. We'll take some pictures, make some videos or whatever.

Jeremiah went on to create the most successful adult website in history, www.jeremiahthegreat.com and it's tagline won the Adult Film Literary prize, "Jeremiah the Great, Let's watch some porn."

Suzanne was the most-viewed woman. Her name, Vixen McLottapuss.