Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Karma a la extreme

Don't you feel that it's much easier to only see the negative side of karma? You know, when something bad happens you think, "Hmm, I shouldn't have cheated on that test. I guess karma got me again." I seem to say that a lot more than, "Gee whiz, I'm sure glad I donated all my free time and what little excess money I have to the homeless shelter, and because of my good deeds I've been rewarded with a shiny new car and a beautiful girlfriend with rich parents."

It's sad, I know.

But I didn't post an AIDS Awareness post on Dec. 1, National AIDS Day, like many of the other bloggers participating in Bloggers Unite. And now I prepare myself to weather the repercussions.

I awoke this morning to unfriendly rapping on the front door. So I answered it - hair askew, robed in my finest flannel PJs, sans shirt (a scary sight at this point in my life). There stood a man with white hair. "Is Carol (roommate's made-up name) home?" he asked. I said she was in the shower. Sometimes Carol has clients meet her at the house, and I didn't know this man. I caught a glimpse of the driveway -- in the background was my roommate's car, hooked and loaded to the man's tow truck. Then came the curve ball. "I'm here to repossess her car."

Some might imagine that isn't the best way to welcome the morning -- eyes glued together, wearing no shirt, letting the 35 degree weather ferociously bite my nipples. But I persevered. That's what I do. I persevere.

I asked the man to hold while I went down the hall and woke Carol. While she tried to throw some clothes on I sculpted my bestest haphazard BS face and tried to knock that curve ball right outta the park. "You want some coffee?" I asked. "No, thanks. She owes $xxx amount, and I only accept cash," he said.

"OK. How do you expect her to have such a large sum of money at 8 in the a.m.?" He looked at me, searching for an answer, "These are the orders." Carol had overheard and came screaming down the hall she is paid to date and flaunted certified payment history from the bank.

By 8:30 I was making coffee for a strange man ready to "steal" - as the term should come to be known - with nipples erect like the Washington Monument. Carol is screaming on the phone to the bank. The man is talking to me about my day job. Carol starts crying. I tell her to pull it together. She cried more. The man got ready to leave. I said, "Pal. Don't take the car."

I know it didn't sound profound. But I didn't have a speech prepared. Silly me. So Carol spent the next 45 minutes running around town trying to collect a grip of cashola. I made this guy eggs. And more coffee. He finished nearly the entire pot. Then Carol came back with a wad of cash, but wanted a cashier's check. So I ran to the bank for her. The teller was a very attractive young lady. We flirted. Then some D-bag came from nowhere and kissed her. He had spikey hair. And an Abercrombie polo. Go figure. Real fuckin original, guy. I came home, the man left. Carol was still sobbing, call it the curse of the PMS. Then I went to work.

And I feel terrible, because I think all of this could have been prevented if I had written an AIDS post. So to those of you who have HIV or full-blown AIDS, I'm sorry I let you down. It is a serious and very real disease. Many of us think, "I know, I know" but the reality is there are still too many people who don't know. So please, help spread the word.

That said, who wants to get drunk?

12 comments:

Kirsten said...

You're a better roommate than I would ever be!!
I didn't do an AIDS post either. Great! What am I in for??

Anonymous said...

I hope this means, since I did my post, that a wad of cash is coming my way!
i could use it, Christmas and all.

The Josh said...

KIRSTEN: I see coal in the stockings for you this year. And yes, that is a euphemism. Take it as you wish.

DAN: I'd like to stake claim to a 20% finder's fee when you receive said wad of cash. I could use it, Christmas or not :)

Anonymous said...

I didn't do a post on the right day but I post about it all the time, well not all the time but a lot of the time. I wish I had a roommate like you, that was sweet. Good karma will follow.

The Josh said...

JEN: That's great you post about it often. I'm sure you touch more people than you'll ever know. As for the karma...I see bits of good coming my way, and that's all I need.

Wendy said...

Does karma get you if you didn't even KNOW you were supposed to be doing an AIDS post?

Also, what if that was just some weirdo guy who wanted free breakfast? Next time I'm hungry I'm coming to your house with a clipboard. :)

Chat Blanc said...

dude! I'm convinced! next year I too will put up a post. until then i'll be hiding out from karma!

Lola said...

Ok, I'll admit it, I'm a bad lesbian. I did not know about the Bloggers Unite for Aids and did not post about it.

But it should count for something that I have a dozen posts on my blog in support of our community since I began my blog in mid October 2008.

But I still do feel badly that I missed the opportunity to participate.

http://lolasdiner.blogspot.com/

The Josh said...

WENDY: I wish I knew the answer. I seem to be bit by the karma bug when least expected. Well, seeing the tow truck kind of led me to believe he wasn't homeless. But he cooould have been a homicidal maniac with a chainsaw...that would have been somewhat awkward.

CHAT: You better be a chameleon of your environment. It's only a matter of time until the wrath gets us. But if you find a secret hiding spot, let me know. Our little secret ;)

LOLA: I have no formal training on how to judge a good lesbian from a bad one. Luckily, your lesbianism isn't in question. I think BloggersUnite is more about a widespread approach to making aware a number of social problems. You seem to be doing a fine job of that yourself. So, keep it up.

Jessica S. said...

I love this post! You're a really great writer, you know that? I was completely spell-bound to the very end.

Honestly, I just clicked on your blog, because I liked the title "A Spoonful of Shut Up" -- how can someone NOT click on that? Haha. I LOVE it.

Anyway, needless to say, now that I actually read some of your posts, I think I'm addicted to your site. Way to go. ...Like I didn't have enough to do during the day. LOL. I'm just kidding. I really do love your site, though.

The Josh said...

NEED HELP: You're too flattering. I think I just blushed. I really am glad you liked it. But don't get your expectations too high ;)

dizzy mom said...

Errect nipples AND coffee? Just so you know in my mind you look good in flannel PJ bottoms...six pack and all.