Walmart: The Wedding Warehouse Wonderworld

I feel robbed. My bank, WaMu was bought and resold last week, all without my knowing. There was all this talk about people's money being insured up to $100,000. I have two problems with this. First, I don't even have $1,000 in my account, let alone 100 times that. Second, If you have more than $100,000 sitting in a bank account somewhere, chances are you are wise enough to move your money into other accounts to avoid losing that excess.

But the economy's in a bad state. We all know it. We've seen, heard, felt, and heard and seen more about it every...single...day. But I didn't think it was this bad.

How bad?

Pretty peacocking bad. With people having less money to spend, low-price superhouses like Walmart are seeing some of their greatest growth in 10 years. Damned be the free competitive market this country used to be praised for. Will Walmart's balloon ever pop? I don't know. But I do know there is a stereotypical Walmart customer, and that the stereotype is there for a reason. This is no secret ---->

Needless to say, last week I heard disturbing news.

I was driving down the road listening to the soft rock radio station the other day when a female caller told Delilah how glad she was to be married at Walmart.

I almost crashed into a tree.

Apparently I'm the last to know of this phenomenon. Delilah seemed pretty savvy to the situation, so I did some research and came up with a Spoonful of Pathetic.

Last year seven couples tied the knot at their local Walmart Supercenters. WTF?

I'm not a woman, nor have I dreamt of my wedding since I was a bucktoothed child. But isn't there a certain novelty that might be associated with the institution of marriage? Just because a retail powerhouse is "like your second home," like one Walmart bride said, doesn't mean that should be the place to commit your life to another, does it? I mean, did they even close the store, or were there hundreds of partially nude maniacal children flailing about during the recitation of the vows? Was the sign, "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem" posted conspicuously, so the average Joe with a shopping cart filled with car tires, a pound of ground beef and a box of condoms can stop by, wearing nothing but tie-dyed elasti-pants and a straw hat and cheer his friendly shoppers on?

I thought one day I would get married. Then I saw this. There's no hope. I think I'm gonna go cry.