A List of My Dislikes: Part 3

1. Protective Precursor Statements: I don't know if they go by another term, but let me explain what I am talking about with the following examples.
1. "No offense, but ...." My problem with this, you are a wussy. Yup. You hide behind a statement that does exactly what you are pretending it protects you from. No offense? Oh, yes. There most certainly is offense. And I don't like being offended, you offensive offender.
2. "With all due respect..." This is almost exactly the same as number 1. That's like looking at your boss and saying, "With all due respect, though your business-minded decisions promote the company overall, I still consider you, on a personal level, to be a top-notch douchebag." If you show me one instance when this precursor is used, and the recipient of the comment is not angry at what is said, I will buy you an ice cream, with your own money.
3. "I'm not racist, but..." I have heard many of my friends and even complete strangers start off a train of thought with this statement. The funniest part about it is that it most assuredly will be followed with a statement that most people do in fact consider to be racist. Once again, finding a way to hide behind that facade of innocence. But I'm on to you. You know who you are.

Stupid things people say just to fill a perfectly comfortable void in conversation. For example, "Yeah, I hear that's going around." Have you ever felt ill? Sure you have. But what is the response that is almost always warranted?
guy 1: Hey, buddy! How ya doin today?
guy 2: Oh man, I'm not feelin' so hot.
guy 1: Yeah, tell me about it. I hear that's going around.

and without you knowing, they suck you into their powerful, mind-manipulating paranoia.

guy 2: Yeah, my head hurts and I am nauseated.
guy 1: Brosef, my sister's finacee's best friend has the same thing. She can't shake it. She's had it for like (considerable pause as he looks to the sky for a definitive answer) over 2 months, bro. Her head, her throat, she can't breathe, all types of mucus...
guy 2: Yeah, me too. I just started with the mucus. My throat hurts too. Oh man, I hope I'm not getting what she's getting.

In a matter of minutes one can go from the predictable troubles of a hangover and unknowingly diagnose himself with threatening pneumonia. Moral of the story: If I look content not talking to you, then take a spoonful of shut up. I don't want to feel like I have pneumonia. I don't like pneumonia, and I certainly don't like you for making me feel like I have it.

Other than that, man, nothing too much has bugged me lately. What are some of your pet peeves?